Anxiety

The feeling of what happens inside of me as I do my best to fake that I don’t know what is happening, just so I can get out of the situation without having to say anything.The feeling inside when there are only a few minutes left in class and it’s obvious to everyone else but not me that the professor isn’t going to let anyone ask questions or hand any late papers in.





The feeling like you might throw up because you can feel how much time has passed since class started and it must be obvious now how long into class this moment was -- if someone were looking at their phone they could probably figure out exactly where we were right now even though nobody is looking at phones or watches right now (except maybe for one guy who always seems obsessed with knowing exactly where he is on his way home from work every night). The feeling like all anybody would have talked about after class today would be whatever happened during these last few minutes before the professor said that he wasn’t going to let anyone ask questions or turn anything in late. The feeling like you might throw up because if they were laughing at all it must be obvious now how long into class this moment was and what a loser I am for not knowing when the professor isn’t even here anymore -- that is, if any of them even remember today as being different from any other day.







The feeling inside like there are probably only three minutes left in class right now and the professor still hasn’t said anything about people asking questions or handing things in late, which means it must have been more than three minutes since he looked at his watch but less than four since then. The way time doesn’t really exist outside of our heads -- meaning every minute feels longer to us than every other minute does (meaning that ten minutes before something happens always seem longer when we look back on them after everything has already happened). How time seems frozen sometimes without anybody else noticing because we think so much faster about some things compared to others (meaning one second can feel both like forever but also just an instant).

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