The Reality of the Situation Is

I'm sick of being afraid to get over my past.

I'm sick of pursuing perfection and not making mistakes.

I'm sick of always trying to see the best in people and being let down.

I'm sick of being so scared I don't let myself feel anything at all, even happy emotions like excitement or joy. I like excitement, but only if it won't lead to sadness later on. It's safer that way, but it means not letting myself fully experience anything for fear that it might hurt me later on somehow.

Entropy isn't an option anymore.

I'm sick of my cowardice.

I'm sick of my fear.

I'm sick of feeling afraid all the time, regardless of whether it's rational or not. I'm sick of always wanting to be somewhere else than wherever I am at the moment, even when I really like where I am at that moment. Feeling stuck and not being able to do anything about it feels beyond awful, but the solution isn't to escape -- the solution is only ever in accepting the present completely and seeing how what you have now is enough for you _____________ (fill in the blank; it could be practically anything).

The present is already everything you ever have or will have -- all your past experiences are included -- and also nothing compared to what might come later on if you just enjoy where you are right now as much as possible.

A lot is a lot more than nothing.

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